Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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