you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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