Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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