Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
