By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
