I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
