im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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