im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
