I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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