They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
