you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
