Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
