Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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