conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
