He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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