I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
