Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
