Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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