Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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