UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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