So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How's work?
Spinning.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
