so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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