I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
