Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My vagina is officially offended.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
