I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
