woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
