I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
