I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
