I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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