but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Holy sore nipples Batman
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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