Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
