I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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