Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
