I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
