It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
