I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
