you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize