This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
