u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
