is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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