pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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