that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
