I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
