Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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