her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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