So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
