he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
