OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
