Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
