I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
