God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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