In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
