Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
