Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
