The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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