he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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