Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
