my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
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i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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