My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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