last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
