The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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