i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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