May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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