i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
