when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
