so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
