I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
