I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
